he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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