Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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