i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
