so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
