my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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