Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
