I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was born a porn star she said
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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