i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
