Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
