You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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