He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
