wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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