I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
