Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
