Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
