i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize