Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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