so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
