I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
