I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize