Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
