Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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