my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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