my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
