i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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