Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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