i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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