You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
