dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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