I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
