TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize