Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want to make out with him forever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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