He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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