I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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