there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
