Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
