i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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