So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
