For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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