The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
