the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize