i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize