I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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