Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The air taste purple.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
