Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
