you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
