Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
