okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
