I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
