It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
