I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
