I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
