Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
