dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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