you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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