I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
