He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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