We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
