can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
