dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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