This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
