Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
