We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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