I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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