you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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