the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
