3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
