We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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