literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
