HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
