I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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