Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
