I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
