Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
