Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
