Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
