yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
