How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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