if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
