Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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