Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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