it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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