He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize