And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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