I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
