If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
