Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
