she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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