The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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