her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
