Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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