Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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