More tranny stories later!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
