She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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