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You really coming over, don't trick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
