oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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