Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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