If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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