I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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