I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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