I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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