census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im part way to drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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