my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ugly people sure do ruin things
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
